don’t try

I was introduced to Charles Bukowski in my early twenties when my aunt gifted me one of his books. At the time I was an aspiring musician, a work in progress who hadn’t committed to the work yet. Bukowski’s poetry made sense to me, he was a vulgar mess I could relate to. It wasn’t until a decade later that I heard about the message on his headstone, “don’t try”.

Initially, I linked it to apathy. At that point in my life, I felt Nihilistic more often than not. And to me, the message said “What’s the point in putting in too much effort? Life is a pointless mess anyway”. It took another decade to rediscover the message and see how wrong I was.

I connected with Taoism in late 2021 while listening to the Tao Te Ching on a hike outside of Atlanta. On the outside, Bukowski and Taoism are miles apart, but they both nudge me align with the natural flow of life. If you read his work, did things; he wrote poems and novels and worked shit jobs. His message wasn’t about apathy, he just stopped forcing it. He stopped trying to conform to the world’s expectations of what a ‘great poet’ looked like.

For years, Bukowski tried to be an established author while working unfulfilling jobs, unrecognized by his peers. But his instruction wasn’t to be lazy. It was to be authentic. If the writing didn't pour out of him, he didn't chase it. He stopped trying to force himself on the world.

The antidote to our tendency to force effort is captured in the Taoist idea of Wu Wei. It’s often translated to “effortless action.” It’s not inaction, but action that flows from a natural necessity rather than the internal and external pressures we all know well. Wu Wei is often associated with the movement of water. Imagine a stream flowing into a creek; the landscape turns, and rocks sit in the path. Despite this, the water is never angry or impatient. It simply moves naturally with the obstacles it’s presented with.

To me, this says life is better when we stop trying so hard to force ourselves on the world. From relationships to parenting and work, the most meaningful things happen if we just let them. Effortless action feels a lot like the popular concept of Flow. When you are fully immersed in a task or moment, you lose track of time. The action and awareness merge; there is no selfish motive or internal critic. There is no external goal to try to reach. You are simply doing.

Bukowski’s message of “don’t try" was his on-brand way of telling us to let go. Stop trying to look like a writer or manipulate the outcome. Just write the damn thing that is trying to write itself through you. Chasing a trophy or a bigger paycheck is typically rooted in ego and an uphill scramble for validation.

Connection, mindfulness, and taking the next natural step is Wu Wei. It’s showing up because the time is right for the thing to be built. It’s time to get out of your own way and let the current of your skill meet the task. The mind quiets and the path clears when we listen to what the universe is telling us.

Stop fighting the current of who you are supposed to be. Be water. Be patient. Be curious. Receive without pride and give without expectations.

Practice Wu Wei.

Don’t Try.