neighbors

We recently moved into a neighborhood where accidentally seeing into our neighbors’ place is a bit too easy. I’m confident these homes were built as close together as zoning laws allow. Over the weekend, we noticed a neighbor playing video games when we closed our blinds for the night and again when we opened them at 7am. Context clues told us they were probably there all night.

In the moments that followed, we talked about the strangers next door. We inferred things about them and their relationship based on this video game thing. We weren’t mean-spirited or anything, but why did we give it any space at all? The thing is, it’s none of our business. And it also feels like a poor use of energy.

It got me thinking about the inner peace that can come from minding your own business. Much like minimalism, it’s a disciplined contraction of your sphere of concern. Or like stoicism, how others live isn’t up to us, and so you shouldn’t give it mental space.

Judgment

We pay for our judgments in small, cumulative ways. We get irritated with people’s actions. We judge through the lens of superiority. It’s death by a thousand toxic little cuts. Every moment spent diagnosing someone else’s choices is a moment not spent working on your own.

Zoom out for half a second and you quickly realize you rarely have the full context to pass any sort of logical judgment. No backstory, no unbiased presentation of the facts, no knowledge of their trauma or beliefs. You're auditing something you spent five seconds reviewing. It should probably feel a bit embarrassing.

Less judging = more living. Besides, criticism feels gross and hardens your spirit.

Drama

The older I get, the more I loathe drama. I’ve realized that most drama isn’t organic. Things like gossip and speculative arguments are fueled by borrowed attention. Drama needs participants, at least two people with nothing better to do. The solution is simple. You don’t show up. You find something better to do.

When somebody you know tries to rope you into a situation with an opinion you didn’t ask for, give it a slight acknowledgement. Then move on. Your silence is not withdrawal, it's sovereignty. Drama requires participation. Minding your business is how you opt out.

Comparison

Every month or so, my wife and I find ourselves talking about the societal pressure to keep up or fit in. It’s something we didn’t sign up for and don’t believe in. But somehow it creeps into our lives an inch at a time. We unconsciously measure success on a scale we feel is bullshit.

We all know the phrase, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” But it’s more than that. Comparison hijacks clarity. The antidote is simple, but maybe not easy. Once again, it’s minding your own business and not looking at other people through a comparative lens. It might also require you to curate many of your inputs.

Others’ measure of success does not have to be yours. That title, that car, that type of vacation is not my definition of success. I’m happy for them, now let me saunter back to my own path.

Peace

This isn’t new, Marcus Aurelius journaled about it lifetimes ago. The only things within your control are your thoughts and actions. It’s mental minimalism, peace comes from knowing what’s yours to own. And subsequently, what is none of your business.

Minding your business is how you protect your time, energy, and focus. I think most of us just want clarity in our own lives. If you give looking at other people’s lives your attention, you’re taking away opportunities of clarity in your own.